Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Surprise -Diary Entry #4-

I....I think. I can't believe what happened last night. I'm still wondering if it even happened at all.

I love Talil...I know I do, but Westel. Westel, Westel, Westel! Something still burns in me for Westel. Last night I think only proved that. Why it happened I don't know, but it chills me to the bone to think that it did. Is it that I'm still not ready to settle down like I thought? Why do I have both of these strong feelings? It kills me on the inside that these feelings conflict. That one taste though, I suppose it is enough to sate me. Maybe.

Norgoth forgave me, but he's still kind of a danger to Talil especially since Ilati showed his face. He scares me, but he also intrigues me. How can two people reside in the same body? No I know they aren't two people, but how far under the surface does he lie? How do I know that Talil isn't just a facade sometimes? I'll find out soon enough.

Eugh, I wish my stomach would quit acting up. I need to start eating better.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Misguided -Diary Entry #3-

I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I really don't. I feel like I haven't gotten better as a person in the time that I've been in the Tribe and with Sam...

Take Norgoth, I told him I'd try to be with him with a little reluctance, but now that I see him struggling I think I'm developing some sort of feelings...but then there's this mage. I've met him only, what? Three days ago? And we've done nothing but fuck. I'm disgusted with myself. He's so beautiful, but he looks like...it's all just so damn confusing. I try to please Norgoth, but I feel like if he ever finds out then he'll take his own life. And Westel, I feel like he doesn't know, like he takes this bond we have for granted...or that I'm taking it for more than it's worth.

I just wish that voice would tell me what to do with my life again. It talked to me once before, why not now? What could I do to get it to talk to me again?

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Trampling on Ruins

On a trip almost like a pilgrimage she was on her talbuk, Alphonse, headed to the old home of her late lover, Abi'jah. She had gone there often lately to pay her respects and talk to what she thought was the spirit of the deceased. It helped her answer the questions that were raging in her mind and had calmed some nerves that she had as of late. The trip never caused her much pain, the trolls had little reason to attack her. Everything had gone just as normal until she started to enter the southern Ghostlands.

It almost scared her to see so many rangers in what was once a nearly deserted place. She looked around, confused as to why the old home was being occupied, though it shouldn't have confused her. The invasion..right. They seemed to let her pass through easily enough even though her attire was a little more trollish than would be desired. She passed through up high on Alphonse with an unease that could surely be felt among the ranks of men. She got close enough to the plateau that held Abi'jah's home that she could almost see it and what it held almost blew her mind.
Just outside the door she saw a stack of weapons, bows, pikes and the like all ready to go. Laughter, something not heard lately, rang through the house as bunches of rangers acted raucously on break. She clenched the bundle of lilies that she held and stared worriedly at the old home, wondering if they even knew what they were doing. They were defiling someone's home, where they had lived, raised children, made love and made their lives.

Two rangers approached her as she stared on top of Alphonse, taking note of the flower and the...less conservative top.
"Excuse me miss, but can we help you?"
Vivvienne shook her head, blinking her eyes as she entered reality once again. She took in the two rangers with a little disbelief.
"No...No, I was just here to visit with a friend."
"Ma'am, all the trolls here have been evacuated. You're out of luck."
One of the two rangers whispered to his cohort, the other chuckling a little. Vivvienne made a face at the two, feeling somewhat violated that they looked down on her as they did.
"It's probably best that you leave. It's dangerous around here, Ma'am," spoke up the chuckling ranger. He waved her off as if she were a child and she huffed and tugged Alphonse's reins in an about face. She started to ride off, devestated at what she had just witnessed.

The giggling guard only shrugged and waved his hand dismissively at the retreating Vivvienne and muttered a single insult, "Just a damn Troll fucker."