Changes

Everything is just so awkward now. At the moment. Not with Scynthe, no he's just as loving as the first day that we met. We're still passionate about each other. Sometimes I just don't want to say...I haven't seen Westel for a time. That's nothing new, I just wonder. I had invited him and his wife Astoreth to sup with us one night here sometime. I've just been so terribly busy.

Westly stepped down as regent a while back, Glenshadow hasn't been in the tribe for quite a while either. The last I heard was that he was up north with his son. Urukha has effectively taken over the tribe. Things are...changing. New spiritual posts are being erected in the tribe. They say that there is to be a leader from each respective spiritual plane. I assume they meant warlocks as well. I don't know if I'd be fit or good for the position and I don't imagine I will try hard to get it. So many changes. The tribe is just different in some way.

Summer Vacation

The vacation is going along just fine. We've been showing the children some of the sights that Scynthe and I have both seen many times over but they are both seeming to enjoy it. It's a little more exhausting than I thought, chasing children all over the globe. Scynthe and I are sometimes too tired to think of anything but sleep in each hotel room we visit. I don't mind that at all,  because I do know that we dream of holding each other at night. I must admit that it's funny to wake up before him some mornings and see him sprawled out on the covers in almost nothing.

If only people could see him the way I do. I understand that there isn't the biggest fan club for him in the tribe. People that pass him just treat him with indifference because they think that he's cold and quiet...and a prude. In reality he is none of those things, he is sweet, loving, kind, gentle and passionate. He cares for his family and makes no fuss out of whose parentage is whose. It's like I see an entirely different man once we're alone together, but it doesn't bother me in the least. His reserved nature is nothing to be embarrassed about, it's just another part of who he is and I wouldn't change any part of my love for anything. It just creates a bigger mystery for those that do not know him I suppose. I wonder what would happen if he had more male companions around. From what I've seen he doesn't seem like the type to go drunkenly parading around town. You know...I've not really...seen him drunk. Mission for Posterity: Soon we'll test that factor.

He's waking up now, that hair...that smile of his when he wakes up. Oh it's to die for.

To be

Once again I find myself with child. Scynthe, I'm building such a family with him. It makes me want to spin around like a little girl, like the little girl that I once was. He says such, such things that I don't know how to explain them. They will always just be between him and I, but to say that he adores me is no stretch at all.

Oh how I love him with all of my heart, my soul. I wonder though why he's told me that he's a terrible person, that he's done terrible things. I've seen terrible and beyond. I can't imagine him doing much worse than I've done. Drugs, sex and violence, I don't think I'll ever explain them to my children, but if he ever asked that of me I would. I would tell him. Honestly though I feel so different, so much younger and full of life than when I was bumming around in Murder Row. If he never delights to tell me what he thinks that he's done then I will trust him with that.

Though with this business of his late wife rising from the dead in spirit. He seemed more detached and like he did not belong to me. I know he does, but this is just exasperating.

Trysten is waking up, I'll have to put this up for now.

Anxious

It's been so long since I've written, but I don't feel like I've had much to write about. No troubles facing me, a loving boyfriend and two children whom I love so much.

Though I am getting nervous. Nearly two weeks ago Scynthe and I were offered a week's reprieve from the coughs that had plagued us. It hasn't returned as the mother spider said that it would, I don't see any symptoms returning in either of us. Did we have anything to begin with? Is this a dream? Was it a dream?

We collected the items neccesary for the cure as it is. Hopefully the cure will be created soon.

Westel...he's falling out with me. He doesn't seem to like any move that I make anymore, especially ones that make me happy. He-....As Scynthe puts it he treats me like a child.

Westel, don't make me regret anything. We've both got great power over each other, that you know.

Realisations

I took Westly home last night...she asked my why I was so mousy and sneaky. She said I was greedy...I've been with a lot of men in the tribe. Now that I think about it...even those that are no longer with us it's a lot a lot for the time that I've been in the tribe. I don't apologize I suppose. I had reasons for each of them and for reasons most all of them fell apart or drifted away.

I told her that I didn't need to be sneaky or mousy anymore. I have a family that loves me, a wonderful family that I hope is going to grow and still remain tight.

I love you, Scynthe. I love you Trysten and Zephenaye.

I'm not a mouse. I am not a sneak.

PS. Westly thought we should become close friends. Even though she was drunk I still think it's a good idea. I don't think I've had one of those in a long while.

My light.

I love him. He's done so much for me in these past months and I love him for it. I love him for himself.
I find myself doing things that I never thought I would be doing. I find myself settling down in a small canyon, with children, pondering more and taking care of the house and yet I don't feel one bit adverse to any of the idea. As long as I'm by his side I feel no shame towards those things like I would have in the past.

If he asked it of me I think I might just stay home, but he wouldn't and he hasn't. Instead he wishes to maybe switch out every few days to watch the children. I find myself wanting his children. I want everything to do with him and I can't help this bliss. We had a small talk the other day where he mentioned....or nearly mentioned marriage- I think. I'm glad that he didn't ask me because I'm afraid that in this still new relationship I would have accepted so blindly without thinking what it would have meant for our children and us. I would have said yes even if my life depended on me saying no.

If it ever comes to that though, I believe that I'll still say yes.

He's here!

My little one is finally here. The labor took me by complete surprise, but I was so relieved to find out that he was healthy and...well a he! The moment I saw his little face there was nothing but relief.

Camden...Savas....Killian, Trystan...

I don't know yet what I'll call you, my babe, my child, the little piece of me...I love you so much. You're going to have so many people raising you and I can only hope that you turn out to be such a good young man. I look forward to the many years I have with you, but please don't grow too fast.

Sleep soundly little one.

I love you.

-Your mother, Vivvienne