Most times I don't sleep for a long time into the night. I just stare up at the painted ceiling and wonder. Wonder if I've truly been left with all this for nothing. I suppose if I was that I would just take the money and run. There seems to be nothing here anymore. The servants grow more and more restless by the day and they know as well as I that I'm not in any position to be controlling them. The only reason they've ever been listening is because Talil was behind my shoulder. Yes...I suppose just one night I'd take the money and run, perhaps with his mother's gown. She had nice tastes and maybe I could wear it someday.
I have those little day dreams you know. Hoping that someone...somewhere...would come into my life and just make it better, if only for a little while. Perhaps someone has...
Glen Shadow offered to help me reign in those bastards I call my servants...oh yes, they'd be scared then. That alone might give me another week.
I honestly tire of this kind of life, the nobility, without my husband. It's taxing on the mind and body and this little one is giving me fits already.
I often wonder how Westel is doing. I haven't talked to him at length in a great while. I suppose it's because he's always dallying with those women. What I sometimes would give for that freedom and just....just freedom that he has. He may not have his love but at least he's never alone...or when he is he has the option to seek someone out if he pleases. Me, it's like I'm in this dungeon. I was put here against my will. I didn't ask for this. I wasn't married for this. No.
I know it has only been a month, but my mind is fading fast and I'm finding a little bit of contempt grow in me as well. This isn't what I thought it would be and I suppose it isn't my fault at all. Or is it?
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